We always watch the Games from Mount Olympos, even if they’re not quite what they used to be. It’s far from Rio, of course, but Olympia isn’t that close either. Indeed, it’s far to the south and owes its name to the fact that the Games were dedicated to the gods. Zeus’ altar stood on the spot where he’d hurled a thunderbolt from high atop our mountain. The powers of gods and men do differ a tad. As there was no altar to him in Rio – or oxen slaughtered – Zeus sulked instead of watching, although the Games are the best publicity we get these days, ever since our religion was overtaken by later events. Incidentally, he’s currently feeling positive about Mauritius. Perhaps some affreux adviser’s told him the slaughter of cows in Rodrigues is to make up for his disappointment about Rio.

What has all this got to do with you? Well, it’s because Britain did rather well there; there may be lessons for others in your success. Team GB wasn’t just a trite slogan – British athletes shared a team spirit that Pravind’s crowd might do well to emulate. Glory in winning was not just for oneself but for team and country. What’s more, the trainers were totally dedicated to their athletes’ success. Here, as you’ll have noticed, many trainers and sport administrators were more interested in their own tickets for Rio, and their per diems. You might have a word with the Hon. Sawmynaden, to encourage him to set a good example and develop Team GB attitudes here.

A lot of UK’s lottery money was used to improve sporting facilities and fund athletes so they could train full-time. You could advise the Hon and his colleagues to divert more Loto money in such directions. Funding needs a drastic increase, particularly for overseas training, participation in competitions abroad and higher stipends instead of last-minute phone-calls. As in the UK, there’ll always be voices complaining about such spending but, apart from the direct sporting benefits, what could better promote tourism than the sight of Mauritian athletes astride the podium collecting medals? The international media loves seeing underdogs triumph.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot of muttering about the unrealistic nature of the PM’s 2030 Vision, forgetting that a vision is just that, a hope, an aim. As the winning vaulter said, “You can’t set the pole too high.” What do people want? To aim at mediocrity? In fact, it was a British poet who said of the perpetual underachiever, “He aimed low in life – and missed.”

You may believe that Premier League football is the favourite local sport but really it’s rumour-mungering. And the latest rumours say you’ll be leaving before long – probably glad to hear no more of the Chagos Islands. Apart from a Chagossian sympathiser, who earned more respect here than in London, you’ve had some pretty undistinguished predecessors, so let’s hope a jolly decent chap eventually replaces you. Not that most Mauritian ambassadors leave any mark on their countries of posting, apart from Sarojini who triumphed in Berlin – even though she was a political appointee. By the way, it seems Mons Sadien’s cry’s been heard. Did you notice that Lutch’s assistant has despatched a career diplomat to Saudi Arabia?

That reminds me. The Emir is in charge this weekend and he’ll do anything for publicity. So keep your head down – and hope he doesn’t hire a private jet to fly to Diego Garcia…

Yours sincerely,

Epi Phron