Given all the fanfare around Oscars and Caesars, not to mention the imminence of Mauritius’ National Day, Mount Olympos decided to appoint a Selection Committee to make its own honours list, based on merit. Zeus wanted to produce it on his own but was politely told that matters these days are more democratic. In practice, most of the selections were made by Aristophanes, with a little help from Dionysos.

There doesn’t seem to be much of a proper election committee locally but as Head of the Civil Service, you’rebound to be involved in one way or another. Not that you were necessarily consulted about last year’s distinguished list. Unfortunately, even in an advanced democracy like the UK, that great advocate of people’s rights to self-determination, honours lists can take a bizarre turn, even with an apparently independent committee reviewing nominations. The David’s resignation list included his hairdresser and his driver but failed to mention Olivier Bancoult.

To make it more confusing than usual, we’re also suggesting trophies to go along with the medals. Mind you, we got a bit muddled ourselves between sports, films and gongs but, as always, we hope you’ll find our suggestions helpful.

Mount Olympos does apologise if you feel you should have been added to the list, but civil servants don’t normally get gongs because they’re all politically impartial. By the way, a voice asked the other day about the use of sarcasm. A slightly ironic remark may be used from time to time but all we spirits want to do is guide mortals to a better future. How could we ever stoop to sarcasm? Or engage in Delphic ambiguity for that matter.

Yours sincerely,
Epi PHRON