One moment it seems we’re in Little India, the next firmly rooted in Africa, although we shouldn’t forget that Chinese restaurants are also popular. Not everyone will be happy about all this African friendship of course, especially since a picture postcard of the Blue Mosque was sent to the President of the Hindu House, addressed Cassis, Little Africa. Whatever people’s origins, where do many dream of living but in Europe and other Western countries, like Australia. Presumably none of this greatly matters to you, as long as people buy Made in Moris, as you look after international trade as well as foreign affairs – except for those of the Lady in Red, who’s better off in the hands of doctors.

Foreign affairs are tricky at the best of times and diplomats have to be so careful what they say, especially when desperate to tell some ghastly opposite number to pee off. Realpolitik (which, by the way, isn’t a Spanish/Polish football team) means China is favoured over Taiwan, despite being a somewhat repressive regime, and everyone has to cold-shoulder the Dalai Lama, although he’s one of the wisest spirits on the planet. There’s not many of us left. The country is unable to deal even-handedly with India and Pakistan, let alone with Saudi Arabia and Iran. Thank Zeus there are no relations with North Korea, a country that needs serious rebranding. Instead, we welcome Mugabe, who’s ruined a once-prosperous country, while people blame Madame for welcoming a philanthropist, soi-disant though he may be.

Meanwhile, the beaches are filled with tons of heroine, no doubt in illegal and non-biodegradable plastic bags, and jellyfish of the Portuguese speaking man-of-war variety. Anyway, to add to the Mauritian brand, how about this for a wheeze? There’s a slight problem between the EU and the UK and, to raise Mauritius’ standing in the world even further, perhaps you could try to sort out the Brexit problem. Our British friends wouldn’t have voted to leave the EU had it introduced the reforms that La Marine has identified, like greater powers for national parliaments and a redefinition of freedom of movement. Mind you, it’s rather comical that she’s ignored much better control of EU finances and apparently thought little about what France would do without the common agricultural policy. So why not trot off to Brussels to urge the EU to make much-needed and inevitable reforms, perhaps over a nice cup of tea. That way the Brits can have a second referendum, reverse Brexit, keep their kingdom united and reward us with the Chagos Archipelago.

Mind you, how can you inveigle yourself? Frankly that shouldn’t be much of a problem as local politicians spend much of their time dealing with matters which shouldn’t be any concern of theirs, like providing constituents and friends with jobs or handling the state coffers as if they belonged to them rather than the Admirables. 

By the way, have you ever visited Greece? It’s a bit overcrowded at the moment with immigrants trying to get to the US to dispose of the Donald, but much of the country and mountainsides are still beautiful. If you want to meet Zeus, it might be a tad difficult but we could always try. If all else fails, we could visit one of his statues on April Fool’s Day, an apt day here for the Emir to make a speech to compensate for what he didn’t say on Women’s Day.

Yours sincerely,
EPI PHRON