For decades, previous ministers have merely dabbled with the problems of the Health system, while new problems keep arising. Since the last general election, resulting from an overdose of Viagra prescribed by hospital doctors practising privately, the Furies have been out in force. The press has become infected with la peste, taking advantage of a more liberal climate than under the ancien régime. Given a fragmented Opposition, some journalists have decided to take on its role, while their on-line followers have found a great opportunity to voice their own trollish vitriol. Trolls, whose aim is to be deliberately hurtful, have been diagnosed by Canadian psychologists as narcissists, sadists and even psychopaths. Even here, where they’re restrained compared with more advanced countries, Brown Sequard might not be able to cope with them all. After all, it’s not very well equipped for even routine cases.

Madame La Présidente must have been keeping up with the latest research as apparently the best thing to do is to ignore them. The Furies don’t seem to have considered she might be utterly genuine, even if ill-advised. As you’re good at problem resolution, you might suggest that there should be weekly meetings between the Boss and Madame, as intended, so that further slip-ups can be avoided. If Mere Theresa finds time to call at the palace, Young Pravind should be able to do the same.

As a minister, you’re criticised when you make a U-turn. It’s much easier for the press – all they have to do is to publish a retraction. As for opposition politicians, when what they say is disproved or shown to be irrelevant, they don’t need to backtrack as their remarks are soon forgotten. Incidentally, is there any other country in the world where there are so many press conferences? In a democracy, the appropriate place for comment and questions is the Assembly.

Poor Dr Anil. He was overwhelmed by the sheer scale of the task and his search for synthetic drugs to relieve his stress was so unsuccessful he couldn’t see straight anymore and was reduced to taking Panadol, one of the few drugs available in hospital pharmacies. Perhaps he should have had more check-ups at the Moka eye hospital. But he was right to address the médecins ambulants problem, even if his approach was a bit cackhanded. Mind you, you’ll now have to show that your solution works.

We’re surrounded by fake news and it’s not just the Donald’s fault. When you do something because it’s sensible, it’s suggested it’s some kind of politicking rather than plain commonsense. Distortion seems to have reached epidemic proportions. One pressure group has suggested that the Metro Express is an illegitimate project – whatever that means – although it’s had many fathers. For their members, brain transplants may be the only solution.

Still, with your medical background and administrative competence, you should be able to deal better with your ministry officials, many of whom might best be encouraged to take up private practice. Full time. As suggested previously, the priority should be a Health masterplan rather than a piecemeal approach, although general cleanliness, not least of the toilets, needs immediate attention. Hopefully, you’ve read some of the prescriptions written for your predecessors but, if not, this rag’s chief mortal will be happy to send you copies as part of your medical updating. There’s little in update sessions or The Lancet about health administration.

Yours sincerely, Epi PHRON