I’m writing to you because you’ll have more spare time on your hands than most of your colleagues, judging by how quiet you’ve been since your Italian trip. And like me, giving advice is one of your occasional roles. What’s more, we share the same fate – no-one listens until it’s too late. The Boss’s current problem would have been avoided if he’d acted quickly on my recent suggestion to despatch the Emir to Saudi as ambassador. While rashness, personified by Ate, is best avoided, as the modern world allows Koalemos’ followers to hold high office, time is of the essence. Foolishness and religious ideology are dangerous bedfellows.

Zeus frowns whenever I mention religion – and when Zeus frowns, the earth quakes and the slopes of Mount Olympus tremble, so it’s a good job we’re some distance away. Mind you, you’ll have noticed there’s been a lot of bad weather recently but I don’t think he’s after me, or you for that matter. The fact is, however, that rather than illuminate humankind, religion seems to blind them. The Emir’s latest blunder is but the latest example but at least he seems to have taken the Greek way out – self-imposed exile. Not that he’s the only one confused between religion, communalism and politics. Politicos regularly assure particular communities that they’ll safeguard their interests, presumably meaning other groups will be neglected.

How sad it is that the pragmatic Greek approach to religion has been swamped by the diktats emanating from the Middle Eastern varieties. We didn’t go around telling people what to do and what to think, providing they honoured us. Unfortunately, other beliefs often atrophy into certitudes instead of being a path to understanding and truth. The Emir seems besotted with the Saudis, no doubt because banning female drivers would reduce traffic pollution rather than because an ultra-conservative understanding of religion predominates. What’s puzzling is that Prince Salman has more enlightened views than our own trigger-happy SS, but is hampered by religious leaders anxious to maintain their influence and power. Meanwhile, some here even believe that their participation in politics is sponsored by their god. Zeus is not amused. Socio-cultural leaders only encourage such bizarre ideas, although the Boss has assured everyone that they help cement the country together. The more lucid amongst your colleagues might wonder what kind of glue is used – but it must be a very cheap brand.

A law is needed to ban anyone so indoctrinated as to believe the gods determine their election chances, perhaps based on a recent declaration from Zeus: “On behalf of the Registered Union of Modern and Ancient Divinities (R U MAD), let me make it clear that none of us has ever countenanced, let alone appointed, any present or past ministers or MPs. They can forget about any blessings from us until they stop being a blessed nuisance and start using <their cerebral accoutrements.”

What will this current island civilisation leave to posterity – apart from blocks of flats? What is missing is universal values, which are not just from Greek and Christian civilisations but from ancient India and China. While, in a sense, my whole existence depends on religion, the great values of Classical Athens were determined by society, so I’m disappointed by the perverted interpretations humans now have of the gods. Still, mortals are rather odd characters. Indeed, the way some of them behave nowadays makes us wonder if there’s a fault in the production line.

Yours sincerely,
Epi PHRON