Zeus hasn’t exactly reprimanded me for neglecting you, but he has pointed out that a little WTP is clearly needed. There’s always hope that a few thoughts can keep people on the straight and narrow, even if they still tend to wander off into the wilderness. Unfortunately, Nemesis is in the air. She was the goddess specialising in handing mortals their comeuppance, as in the case of Narkissos, who scorned all who loved him. Young Aminias was besotted with him but was spurned like all the others. He killed himself before his beloved’s door, calling on Nemesis to avenge him. The goddess duly obliged and lured Narkissos to a pool where he fell in love at last – but with his own reflection. He found it so beautiful, he couldn’t move and eventually pined away. Narkissos was indeed very beautiful and the son of a river god, so clearly no comparison’s intended, and certainly not with Pradeep.

You do seem to be frequently ulcéré or emmerdé, perhaps symptoms of an underlying condition. As Dr Anwar is willing to consult members even in the Chamber, you could have a word with him. There’s even a rumour that he’s been administering a powerful vaccine to his colleagues, giving them immunity to the side-effects of scandals. Not that jabs are always 100% successful. Although no vaccine’s yet been proved to prevent treachery, you’ll have had your flu jab and it’s just possible it may ward off defections as well as infections.

Verbal abuse is a chronic malady, the last refuge of those left speechless and, judging by the Assembly debates, it has infected many members. We hear so much of this or that traitor and fool that apparently the Oxford Dictionary now defines both terms as meaning anyone who disagrees with your good self. As, like the Donald, you have trouble with alternative views, it’s just as well you haven’t discovered Twitter…

A change of tack may be useful, based on ideas. Your strength was that you espoused the odd principled policy, but Ivan took most of them away with him. He’s so terrible in your eyes that every possible occasion is used to attack him, even though he’s making progress despite being saddled with a ministry where his predecessors achieved little. Syndicalists too get on their high horses at the mention of Ivan’s name but the punters have deserted them. That may be because union leaders never like the conditions and have no idea how to dismount. Just like politicos. Meanwhile, there’s more jockeying for position in your stable than at the Champs de Mars on race days.

Mental health advisers generally recommend thinking before reacting – unless you’re planning an alliance with Washington, when it would be unnecessary. To claim your party has the konpétans pou diriz sa péi-la when you’re left with a parliamentary rump sounds a trifle pretentious. Talking about lowering the voting age to 16 won’t win many friends either. With the number of teenagers on synthetic drugs, anything might happen and, anyway the male brain in particular isn’t capable of mature judgement until the age of 25 or so, if then.

Before lashing out at others, it might be wise to consider qui fait honte au pays. Mind you, there are quite a few contenders. In the end, if the party can’t survive without you, perhaps it deserves to die. The way forward may be to listen to your backbench cry of démisioné alé do, which no honourable member could have aimed at Madame, and declare yourself Militant Mentor. It could ease a rapprochement – if you still have a large enough rump behind you.

Yours sincerely
Epi Phron