Labels on jam jars may be useful but nowadays mortals seem intent on sticking them on themselves. Of course, some are hard to avoid. At birth, they either have male or female appendages, apart from the occasional hermaphrodite, the result of an unresolved problem in the celestial manufacturing process. Some even want to exchange their male and female labels, so seemingly even gender can’t be reduced to just black or white.

Black lives matter? Even if some have good reason to feel threatened by pale-faced officers in America, all lives matter. What does black mean anyway? Greeks aren’t exactly white (lighter than some Europeans and darker than others), with a fair amount of inter-mixing. What does that make us? Ancient Athens was also home to Ethiopians, a vague term at the time for dark-skinned North Africans. Homer describes Odysseus as ‘blackskinned and woolly-haired’ but the point is colour didn’t matter. Differentiation was a later invention.

The Greek gods never set out morality in black and white either. They simply expected to be honoured and for people to use the brains they’ve generously been given. Instead the Middle Eastern religions have gone in for fiats even though German vehicles are more reliable. Not that that’s a problem when they express universal values such as not murdering each other. Mind you, they seem to have difficulty in getting even such a simple message across.

The concept of “God’s chosen people” – the ultimate label – is as devoid of sense as the mob in the Place d’Armes. It’s all very well to invoke divine support but, when there’s a battle, everyone appeals to one god or another for backing, and even to the same god. It does make being divine very complicated. Zeus was reluctant to take sides in the Trojan War. He preferred the Trojans but decided to stay neutral because Hera preferred the Greeks – and made his life hell when he openly opposed her.

The gods are equally bemused by the way people are pigeonholed as hetero or its opposite when the fact is there’s always been a high degree of bisexuality. Those who enjoy a bit of masti now feel uneasy in a society where they might be labelled gay. As the gods have shown, all relationships are a normal part of life but here, even when there’s a Pride Day, mortals would rather sweep the implications under the bed. When the DPP suggested lifting anal activity off its backside, he was largely ignored. Ironically, such reaction as there was to his remarks was all about men – when all the court cases are brought by women.

 Although Spain has banned bottom-pinching, an alternative solution would have been to urge women to retaliate in kind. It could have come in very handy last Saturday and deflated many a macho’s orgiastic ravings – although Zeus alone knows what #MeeToo would have made of it. What a passing MP and other sad creatures in the Place d’Armes may never grasp is the awkward reality that all moral codes, however inspired, have been articulated by mortals. All societies need values to function but that only works for all if the primary one is acknowledging each other as a fellow human being. Mind you, the odds on that happening any time soon are even longer than on Greece winning the World Cup next time round.

 Perhaps Hermes needs to tell #MeeToo that homophobia is not divine. It often results from the fear of one’s own inner longings or, as the Great Satan has shown, religious and political leaders, whatever their own proclivities, using homophobia to attract followers or funding…