Even in this ocean of mediocrity, there are few people that can be put in the same class as the speaker of our national assembly, Sooroojdev Phokeer. He is in a class of his own or, if you prefer, he has little class. But what he lacks sorely even more are two crucial qualities that every speaker must have: humility and a sense of humour. His arrogance is legendary and his sense of humour makes his predecessor, Maya Hanoomanjee, look like Woody Allen.

Then we suddenly learnt about his unique sense of humour when he told us that his idea of a joke is the illiterate, cruel and crude insult he threw at MP Rajesh Bhagwan, referring to his vitiligo condition! Forgive me for not laughing at this crass and witless comment that reeks of petty prejudices. And please forgive the thousands of people, here and abroad, who didn’t find anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing about insulting someone who has been living with the vitiligo condition.

But the choice of this artless bully with an eloquent past, who turns into a sidekick when dealing with the majority, particularly the prime minister, is well calculated and follows the same pattern of putting inept people in positions of huge responsibility to make sure they never ever do anything that might compromise that position. It also means that there is nothing – absolutely nothing – important to them more than staying in power by showing gratitude for the one they owe everything to: their leader.

The way the system works is very simple: first, field candidates who were doing low-paid, inadequate jobs or have been thrown out of their jobs and watch as they discover the new world of power where money falls from the sky. Give ministerial posts to those who had never been dreaming of them and watch them run to press conferences to defend any decision you take, no matter how inane it is. Have someone heading the national assembly who has no shame in appearing partial, partisan and who would go to every possible extent to shield you from the questions that might expose inappropriate actions and you are spared embarrassment and possibly prosecution.

Use the same recipe at the police, the ICAC, the Bank of Mauritius, the SBM, Air Mauritius, the MBC, the IBA, the State House and just about everywhere else and the system will work solely to your advantage.

Have you noticed how in Angus Road, a whole armada of table tappers suddenly developed a keen interest in questions they arguably do not even understand, managed to read notes and made sure Prime Minister Question Time was over before the nasty question came up? There was no shame or embarrassment in their demeanour. Whatever time is left was wasted when the speaker walked out and showed his newly discovered sense of humour.

Similarly, in Soopramanien Kistnen’s murder, don’t expect to see the culprits booked either. Avoid yourself the disappointment. Though the court finally heard Yogida Sawmynaden after a lot of resistance and the prime minister washing him clean, he gave vague answers, at times sarcastic and irreverent, and walked out to enjoy his life as before. We are still paying his salary and – sorry to remind you – we will pay for his pension for the rest of his life. The file was handed back to the police for inquiry. Last we heard, they were interrogating everyone except those who were questioned in court. With that in mind, Sawmynaden and the ‘priest’ can carry on praying and calling each other at ungodly hours to talk about God. They have never been safer from justice!

So spare a thought for the speaker; he is doing the job he was chosen to do. If that means riding roughshod on the opposition, so be it! That is the price to pay for the position.