Let me first congratulate the meteorological office for the revolution in their services. In the not-so-distant past, they used to wait until kids were at school and parents at work before putting out a communiqué asking children to go back home, followed by the government allowing civil servants to get back and look after them while the rest of the workforce was left to fend for itself. The post-revolution meteorological service can now see trouble 48 hours ahead – even with a radar undergoing maintenance – and has time to warn the Ministry of Education in time for the latter to shut down the schools for two consecutive days “due to bad weather”! No celebrations in schools or in the Champ-de-Mars, no flag-raising, no glory to thee, no nothing. I guess protecting people from the glorious sunshine we enjoyed on 11 March was a great idea!

But I must also show my gratitude for this revolution as, thanks to that, those of us who had the foresight to pack our swimsuits after the torrential rain warning and could brave a little drizzle in some areas, managed to take advantage of the relatively free roads to traipse to the beach for a great suntan. 

This rare efficiency is unfortunately just another manifestation of the mushroom management so typical of this government: ‘keep them in the dark and feed them full of s..t’. And some of our compatriots – either well-meaning or suffering from the bootlicking virus infecting parliament these days – add enough salt and spices to make us swallow what we are being fed and – abracadabra! – a narrative is created about a government in full control of the situation.

This rare efficiency is unfortunately just another manifestation of the mushroom management so typical of this government: ‘keep them in the dark and feed them full of s..t’. And some of our compatriots add enough salt and spices to make us swallow what we are being fed.”

That narrative comes tumbling down every time some information is forced out of them. When asked in parliament whether he had looked at the UK Action Plan for Covid-19, the prime minister’s answer was epic: “Well, maybe I am more Mauritian. So, I have the Action Plan of Mauritius…I can lay (Sic) it! I shall lay (Sic) it, of course! This is the Operational Plan and this, Mr Speaker, Sir, has been validated by the WHO. We learn a lot when we are faced with such threats and challenges. I am told that as the situation will evolve (Sic) and as there will probably be (Sic) new, more understanding of this virus, of course, this is not something that is cast stone (Sic) and probably it will have to be reviewed also, depending on new situation (Sic). So, I shall obviously ask – not myself – technical people to have a look at the Operational Plan of the UK. Surely, there must be a lot of very good things in that plan…” (Hansard p.15)

I don’t know who finds such an answer reassuring. I certainly don’t.

Concerning food supplies and possible shortages, here is the answer: “Well, again, Mr Speaker, Sir, we do not know what is going to happen in the future. We cannot know right now whether we shall be short of which commodity…” (Hansard p.19) In other words, we might be waiting for the fire to engulf us before we start fighting it.

But the most beautiful statement came in a press conference, when the prime minister was talking about the economic impact of the coronavirus on the economy, and the ‘sacrifices’ to be undertaken by ministers and MPs to alleviate the pressure on our public purse. One of the major measures to reduce the state expenditure (read extreme extravagance) is to cut down on ministers’ and MPs’ overseas trips! Aren’t we all touched by such mortifying self-abnegation? 

When travellers around the world are voluntarily cancelling their holiday plans and people world-wide are avoiding international airports like the plague, our representatives must be really weeping at the idea of not being offered the opportunity to go and catch the Covid-19 virus! 

Let’s get real please! There is no point in asking people who are barely scraping a living to tighten their belts, if those we elected to protect our interests are only interested in free sedans – with personalised number plates, please – huge salaries and freebies. How about cutting down their salaries by half, cutting out all the useless allowances and putting an end to the exorbitant free food in the National Assembly?

Even with such cuts, our MPs will still be the most highly paid in the world considering their contribution so far. In five months, their sole contribution has been waxing lyrical about their leader (a duplication of work since the MBC is already doing that full-time) and trying to justify their victory. There is a cheaper way to address that: Stop the delaying tactics and let the courts decide! 

In the meantime, stop taking us for morons and instead give us the full truth about things that concern us, and how you are keeping us safe. We are not mushrooms!

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