I could not resist the temptation of joining the herd to congratulate you on your great courage. That of forcing two black sheep of the House – Sanjeev Teeluckdharry and Roubina Jadoo-Jaunbocus – to step down after the publication of the rather brave and damning report of the Commission of Inquiry on Drugs. It takes a lot of courage to force people to step down while they continue to bleed us white through their modest and well-deserved salaries as MPs. I hope they enjoy their salaries even more during the four-month vacation ahead. I must admit that it is a very timely vacation after they have exhausted themselves in marathons of visiting and communicating with convicted drug lords and other similar benefactors, helping them in their very laudable task of keeping society calm and occupied enough not to worry about the insignificant problems of life.

Your former Minister of Gender Equality Jadoo-Jaunbocus’s declaration that she is defending all these prisoners – including the ones who did not want to see her – pro bono is really heartening. Extending charity to such poor souls – and forcing them to accept it – is indeed the height of compassion and displays a great spirit of solidarity towards the least privileged of our society. That spirit is surpassed only by your MPs’ generosity in helping drug barons make full use of their very legitimately acquired money. After all, if convicted drug traffickers weren’t allowed to use their money and communicate with the outside world while they are in prison, how would they contribute to the national GDP? Nobody wants unemployed prisoners, particularly if they are such good Samaritans.

Now, I have a question for you. Not about Former Deputy Speaker Teeluckdharry; the less said about such a paragon of virtue, the better. I meant to ask you about Jadoo-Jaunbocus: Why did you appoint her minister in the first place? Before her nomination, everyone knew, through the public hearings of the commission, about the great work she was doing in prison and how she was helping those who most needed help in every way she could. As a well-informed prime minister, you must have had access to even more information through your NSS. So, by what sleight of hand did Jadoo-Jaunbocus pass the test to become minister? I am only asking to prevent your detractors from thinking that you have no leadership at all and that you in fact schemed from the beginning to appoint her only to show how brave you are when you later decide to sack her. That would be really unfair to her so I don’t want anyone to run away with that idea.

Also, I don’t want any ignorant person to think that you are scared stiff of asking your minister of good governance, Sudhir Sesungkur, to get the hell out of the National Assembly. The man deserves all our respect for having managed to make his predecessor, Roshi Bhadain, look like a well-behaved, honest and calm kid! An incredible feat!

So what are a few millions of our money here and there? What are a few dubious nominations to get out of trouble when one can spare one’s party the insomnia-inducing stress of a by-election? What is even physical assault when one is doing it with the intention of imparting knowledge – that of showing respect for important people at all times? Please continue to protect him and stick to the same line: the police are enquiring. They have already done a great job apparently losing all the data on the minister’s phone so what leg do those idiots accusing Sesungkur of sexual harassment and bribery have to stand on? I also hear that some opposition MPs refuse to ask Sesungkur any parliamentary questions because of all the cases he is being investigated for. Good! Who has ever complained about being paid for doing nothing?

So congratulations again for putting your foot down and saving your own skin. And hearty congratulations for making the report public. We are now awaiting the publication of the reports on Vijaya Sumputh and Youshreen Choomka with bated breath. One day, you might even treat us to a report showing the magic that transferred the powers of granting licences to the FSC and how reputable people like Sobrinho found themselves in our midst. I am sure you will again show the same courage as you have nothing to fear.

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