Hang in there Geneva, I am coming! Empty suitcases in anticipation of a shopping spree. Check! List of good restaurants to use part of the entertainment allowance. Check! Places to visit and take selfies for posterity. Check! Bank account number for the manna from heaven to pour into. Check.

Our vice-prime minister, Fazila Daureeawoo, leading a high level delegation headed for the United Nations totally prepared to sit in the United Nations hall. Except that she discovered, rather late, that the aim of the trip was not to decorate the hall of the United Nations between two visits to the shopping malls but to actually say something sensible and relevant, particularly in a debate meant to convince the whole world that there should be no discrimination against women. On that score, there was a lot of disappointment!

After racing through the prepared presentation – the same old arguments about women in politics, quotas, the number of female ministers in Parliament, the Mo Ibrahim index, female president, speaker, vice-prime minister…– please tell me more, this is all so new and so fascinating! – came question time. Our dear vice-prime minister, number four in government – FOUR! – was at a total loss and said very little, leaving the other members of the delegation to take the heat. The probable root causes of why there is such a low representation of women in Parliament? Any impact analysis of the measures you said you took? Any data about violence against women? How are they helped and supported? Why are there so few women in leadership roles and decision-making positions? What about family law?

“Unfortunately, there are no statistics and unfortunately there have been no studies, unfortunately. And unfortunately, a commission was set up in 1981 – 1981!!! – and unfortunately, it was dissolved in 1987 but no consensus was reached. Unfortunately! As for women who are victims of domestic violence, there are occupation (Sic) orders to help them.”

What is the percentage of the budget allocated to the Ministry of Gender Equality – Daureeawoo’s own ministry? As far as the minister knows, she does not know. But, “our prime minister is very much attentive to our request and whenever we aks (Sic) for increase (Sic) of the budget, he do (Sic) acceded (Sic) to our request.” Did I detect a hint of sarcasm as one of the members of the committee pointed out, “It would be good to have a concrete figure… It would be good for you too to have.” “Unfortunately, we don’t have it but we will provide the information within 48 hours!” Does the Equal Opportunities Commission have a sufficient budget? “We will present a written information (Sic) as we do not have the answer.”

Why has there been no written report from the Equal Opportunities Commission since 2014? Four years is a long time! And why hasn’t the Human Rights Commission filed any report either? “We take note of your recommendations and we will take them on board.”  

How many female ambassadors are there? “There is one ambassador but she is based in Mauritius, one in India and one in Australia”. Yes, we remember why and in what circumstances that particular ambassador was dispatched to Australia but happy for you to derive pride from that!

The UN officials may have been shocked but I don’t suppose any of us was. We are used to ministers “not being aware” of anything. Glad to have honours thrust upon them solely on ethnic and nepotistic considerations. From our prime minister to the former president through to the latest nomination of Joe Lesjongard as deputy-speaker, the game is the same. It doesn’t matter what you know. It is the God you pray to and who your father is that determine your rank.

For the rest of us, we are tearing each other apart about the need for a more recent ethnic census to make sure we are properly represented by equally, if not more, inept people! As long as they are our ban.

For more views and in-depth analysis of current issues, Weekly magazine (Price: Rs 25) or subscribe to Weekly for Rs110 a month. (Free delivery to your doorstep). Email us on: weekly@lexpress.mu