A young Member of Parliament stood up in the national assembly. A pied banane (a nobody) that some people voted for and promised to pay his full pension for the rest of his life should he be re-elected. He had been lined up with a bunch of other nobodies to supposedly inject new and young blood in our ageing political scene. He has been sitting in parliament for three years now and the vast majority of people had never heard of him. Until he stood up and the national assembly cameras zoomed in on him.

No, he did not stand up to defend his constituents, who must be suffering from a number of ills: unabashed discrimination, dry water taps, wanton violence, the drug plague, rampant corruption, an educational system with a programme which fails 98% of our youth, widespread nepotism, the unrelenting brain drain etc. No! He is not interested in any of the scourges dogging our society. The biggest existential problem for him has been a dream he must have been nurturing since 2015: that of finding out what former Prime Minister Navin Ramgoolam kept in his safe, other than money. That is the height of the ambition of a new, young MP these days.  His name is Kavi Doolub. Remember the name when you next find yourself alone in the voting booth.

So, he fumbles through a piece of paper which no doubt had been prepared for him by a pervert who has not found a cure yet, stammers and stutters a few times before he finally completes reading that question which is going to improve the lives of our population, enhance democracy in this country, eradicate the drugs epidemic, ameliorate the lives of citizens, put an end to the oppression, fear and sense of injustice many of the citizens of this country are feeling: “What was found in the former prime minister’s safe when his house was raided at the beginning of 2015”! Then he sat down, looking as proud as Neil Armstrong stepping out of the spacecraft onto the Moon. Waw! He had done his bit, pleased his master, probably secured his pension and now gracefully gives the floor to an avalanche of vulgarity and crassness unprecedented in the national assembly.

The prime minister, Pravind Jugnauth, dons his lecherous grin and – like an apothecary who could not become a doctor – starts detailing the list of pills, amongst which  boosters taken by most sportsmen and which were apparently found in Ramgoolam’s safe. No need to mention that the safe is still in the custody of the police and the case is before the court. But who cares about sub judice when their perverse hidden desires have been aroused?

This plunge into an abyss of crassness, crudeness, cheapness, uncouthness and perversion, not only against the former prime minister but indirectly against his wife too, was greeted by clapping from members of the government – mostly young, mostly new faces and those who promised to do politics differently. The same people who applauded Minister of Education Leela Dhookun for stating that the Extended Programme she had introduced with great pomp and ceremony resulted in huge failures – 98%!

This whole scene was guarded by an obviously complicit speaker, who was busy shutting up an opposition struggling to raise points of order, and encouraging the prime minister to blithely engage in the utmost perverted indiscretion and spew an uninterrupted tsunami of vulgarity into the lounges of respected families and their children.

This is not the first time that Jugnauth reveals his sexual frustrations. Last time, it was when he invited mothers and daughters to sit with him in a room. I understand that the prime minister – being the most informed man in the country – may be receiving reports that the ground is slipping from under his feet. We can all feel the panic and the urgent need to harm the opponent by whatever means. Unfortunately, this move, like many of his similar moves before, has backfired and revealed more about Jugnauth himself and his shortcomings.

Instead of reading out about boosters publicly, drooling at the effect they may have and inviting wives and daughters to be in the same room as him, the prime minister might perhaps benefit by taking some of those boosters himself. They are perfectly legal, harmless and can be bought over the counter. That might arguably contribute to alleviating his obsessive voyeurism.